Christmas with Milly

I have always thought that I was quite pragmatic.  Often, I would say that it helps me to keep things in perspective, but occasionally I think I let myself take the joy out of some experiences by over-thinking them.  Christmas is a good example of this.  I have always thought that it was weird when parents get carried away with the idea of Christmas for a baby.  Babies have no idea what is going on, and the pile of presents that they receive is a meaningless array of brightly coloured parcels.  It is from this thinking that I always thought that when Christmas came around, we would just continue to buy Milly just whatever she needed, a few toys, books, clothes, etc.  Things that we would have bought for her regardless of the time of year.  We even discussed whether we should wrap up her presents.  At the end of the day, we will be the ones undoing them.  In that case, does it make it selfish that the idea of having extra presents to open makes the idea appealing???

As we have planned this Christmas with Milly, I realise that I have got it all wrong.  Come Christmas Day, it is true that Milly will have no idea what is happening and will treat it as any other day, only requiring the critical trifecta of food, sleep, and a fresh nappy.  She might notice that there are a few more people looking at her, but for all intents and purposes, it will be just another day.  But, what I have realised is that a day will come when she thinks that Christmas is the most exciting day of the year, and after that, a time when she will want to know how she spent her first Christmas.  How miserable would we sound if all we could say is that we didn’t bother because she was too young.  I haven’t got the heart to do that, the thought of it makes me quite sad really.  So, everything will be wrapped, and we will make sure that there is a photo taken of Milly surrounded by all of her presents that can be tucked away into her memory box.  We have also purchased a little Christmassy jumper that she can wear on the day, which I am sure she will look incredibly cute in, well she does in everything else!!!

With this being our third year of having to buy presents for young children, thanks to our nephews, we were not surprised by the variety of things that we could have bought for Milly.  It would have been very easy to get carried away and spend A LOT of money (this is something that is not just restricted to Christmas, and that I am very guilty of!!), but we have tried to be practical and restrict ourselves to buying things that we think are fun, and that will help her development over the next year.  It was also important that we didn’t buy too much.  As Milly is approaching 3 months, most of the toys that we have bought for her are yet to played with.  To be honest she has only really started to look at them when she has her play time, but it won’t be long before she is grabbing exactly what she wants.  This is something that started to become clear over the last few weeks while Elaine has been playing with her.  Milly has started to identify a few favourite toys and reach out towards them, following the same toys as they are moved around.  But, it must be said, one of her favourite games at the moment seems to be spitting out her dummy and watching Daddy come and fetch it.  Every time that this happens, she has the cheekiest little grin on her face that makes it all worthwhile.  That  said, over the whole Christmas period I noticed that she has been smiling more and more, and I have learned how to make her smile myself (she likes her cheek tickled!!!), and her smile is so big and accompanied by some of the most excited noises, that it can only be a matter of time before she is laughing.  But then, in general, it is noticeable that she seems to be a lot more engaged with us in everything she does and she has started to make some new noises, and having conversations with herself.  All exciting developments. 

Over the Christmas break Milly also had her first round of follow-up jabs (reacting a little better this time) and we took her to get weighed, reaching the giddy weight of 8lbs 15oz.  This was of course before Christmas, so I expect that she has now sailed past 9lbs, after a couple of weeks of Christmas pudding and mince pies!!!  As for me, the best present I got this Christmas was being able to enjoy plenty of playtime with Milly and figuring out a game that we both enjoy.  Oh…and a waffle iron!!!!!  

The Jabs!!

The starting of a new job has meant that this latest edition to the blog has been delayed longer than I had intended.  For this I apologise, I’m not sure to whom, but I apologise nonetheless.

 

As the title this week suggests, Milly has been for her first course of injections.  Elaine and I were a little apprehensive about taking her into the Doctor’s waiting room full of nasty germs, but we found a quiet corner that we were able to conceal ourselves in (I promise that we are not as paranoid as I make us sound!!), until we were called into see the Doctor.  I thought that we would be straight in, check Milly over, give her the Jabs, and then go home.  I was wrong.  The checking of Milly was a bit more intensive than I imagined, and was actually reassuringly thorough.  He checked her spine, hips, reaction to light, sucking reflex, listened to her heart, and felt her tummy.  Everything was going perfectly, each test met with positive comments, until the Doctor asked if we had noticed a little lump, just above Milly’s bellybutton.  It is something that has been there since she was born.  Every Doctor and Nurse that has examined her has had every chance to see it, but none of them ever mentioned it, nor has it ever really bothered Milly.  For this reason, we had just assumed that it was fine, nothing to be concerned about, just a normal part of a new born baby.  Apparently not.  Well…we don’t need to be concerned exactly, but if it still there by the time she is 6 months then she might need a small operation.  I’m still not sure which part of this we are not supposed to worry about!!!  I think the problem comes from it now having a name – a periumbilical hernia.  Until this point I had just considered it a small bobble on Milly’s belly, but now I feel compelled to check it every time I change a nappy!!

Despite all of this, Milly, as usual, seemed to be quite happy throughout the checkup.  Merrily looking around the room, taking everything in her stride.  This continued as we were directed down the corridor, to the nurses room, for the injections.  During her stay in the NICU, Milly had endured all sorts of probing procedures.  Being ‘heel pricked’ a number of times, vitamin k injection, 2 drips in her arm, and a tube up her nose, not to mention the variety of monitors attached to her at any one time.  All of this, she dealt with the minimum of fuss, even pulling out her own tubes when she had tired of them (which I have already mentioned).  This gave me the naïve impression that just a couple of injections wouldn’t be a big deal for her.  I was wrong.  Very wrong!!  It wasn’t the fact that she cried that bothered me most, it was the look of utter betrayal on her face.  One minute she was perfectly happy, enjoying a cuddle from mummy.  The next, we allowed some stranger to stick sharp needles into her legs.  She was not happy!!  Nor will she be in a couple of weeks when we go for the follow up jabs.  I have one complaint about the whole experience, however.  As we left, we were given a sheet explaining the potential side effects and what we could do to alleviate any symptoms.  The only symptom that Milly suffered was a slight fever later that afternoon.  The information that we had been provided said that we could give her Calpol, which Elaine fetched.  Luckily, Elaine read the directions before giving it to Milly, as it is not suitable for babies born before 35 weeks, or under 4kg.  Both criteria, Milly fails to meet.  Upon calling the Doctor for some clarification, Elaine was met with a haughty receptionist who failed to understand what Elaine was explaining and told her that is common for new mums to be overprotective!!  In my experience, I have found that it is common for Doctor’s receptionist to be self-important busy-bodies!!!!!!!!!!!  As it turns out, the Doctor doesn’t really know the answer either, and we are waiting to find out what we can do when she actually becomes ill.  I’m guessing, by then she’ll be big enough to cope.

I’m ending this blog with a story from the delivery room when Milly was born.  I have told some people as it has occurred to me, but I don’t always remember, so I wanted to add to the blog to protect the memory!!  The day Milly was born, was my first experience of being in an operating theatre.  I was dressed in scrubs, and made aware that I had to be careful not to touch anything in order to maintain the sterile environment.  Due to Elaine’s condition, and Milly’s early arrival, there were a lot of people in the operating theatre to take care of them both (it seemed a lot to me, but I admittedly have no frame of reference!!).  Each person seemed to have a specific job including a nurse who took the time to tell me where I could stand and eventually sit, an what not to touch (which was everything!!).  This nurse also had a more important job, she had to stand in a specific place to make sure that the radio reception was clear.  This became apparent every time that she moved, as all the staff in the room would moan because the signal would disappear (I would suggest that there were more important to be concerned about at that point, but this seemed to be close to the top of their list!!).  In the unfolding events over the next few minutes, I didn’t notice that the radio was on.  Due to a large curtain, I could not see anything but could hear an awful lot of activity leading up to the safe delivery of our little girl.  When Milly had been wrapped up, I was asked if I wanted to hold her, which of course I did.  As the nurse placed her in my arms, I became aware that it was Radio Nottingham playing in the background and the 3 o’clock news had just finished, and then a song started playing.  The soundtrack to my first cuddle with my daughter was 'My Girl' by The Temptations.  Perfect really!!!

Parenting by Google

The other week was a big week for Milly.  Monday November 7^th was her due date, meaning that, if she had gone full-term, she would be just over a week old.  I may have already mentioned that the last time that she was weighed, she had reached the dizzying weight of 5lbs 11oz.  This was a couple of weeks ago now, and at the rate that she was putting weight on, there is a good chance that she could be pushing 7lbs by now, which sounds like a healthy weight for a newborn baby.  We will find out this week if our guessing is accurate or not, when the health visitor comes to check her.  (Actually we were wrong.  She passed 7lbs, weighing in at 7lbs 4oz!!!)

Since Milly’s arrival was a little earlier than expected, there were some things that I didn’t get to do before her birth.  Little things, like reading through various books to get an idea of the requirements of caring for a new baby.  What are the sleeping patterns?  How often do they feed?  How much should they be fed?  How often should you change nappies?  A lot of these things were common sense (I know now!!), but none-the-less, they were things that I wanted to know before she arrived so I was, at least a little bit, prepared.  Now I know what I’m like, there is every chance that as Milly’s due date approached, my good intentions would have been pushed aside in favour of watching football, playing PlayStation, or just sleeping.  But we will never know as fate had other intentions, allowing me to claim the high ground and say that I would have been fully informed, and as prepared as possible.

Some of the gaps (gaping gaps!!) in my child care knowledge were filled in by the intensive “parent crafting” that we had to complete while Milly was in the NICU. A lot of it, however, just came from the experience of looking after her and learning her routines.  There were some other things that hadn’t occurred to me that I might need to know.  For example: new babies breathe predominantly through their noses and have to learn to breathe through their mouths.  As such, they get quite snuffly in the nasal region, and can require a little assistance to clear the airways.  This, again, is one of those things that has a very simple solution, but hearing your baby having discomfort while breathing is not a pleasant experience for the first few days!!!


This is where I have found comfort in the endless answers that can be provided by Google.  The concern over Milly's immune system added to the desire to find out if it was normal for babies to sneeze often (this seemed to significantly increase once we'd got her home!!), as it has many things.  Google was able to ease these concerns by directing us to web pages telling  us that it was normal.  Other guidance provided by Google was the regularity of a baby's bowels!!  It is surprising just how interested you become in the contents of a baby's nappy, particularly when there seems to have been a glaring omission for a couple of days, poo!!  Once again, Google was able to give us the information that allowed us to sleep peacefully, safe in the knowledge that the regularity of a baby pooing can be somewhat irregular!!  You will be pleased to know, however, that this issue has sorted itself, even if Milly does prefer to have an audience!!! (That's a story for another day).  Some of the questions we have asked Google (most of which seem like silly questions as I read the history know!!!) include:

• What foods should be avoided when breast feeding?
• Are babies noisy when sleeping?
• Can you warm breast milk straight from the fridge?
• How do I know if my baby needs winding?
• How serious is a cold for a premature baby?

As great as it has been to have an electronic baby manual at our disposal, this final question introduced me to the perils of using Google in this way, as it introduces you to every permutation of an infection known to man.  It also introduces you to a host of concerned parents worried that their children are suffering from every permutation of an infection known to man.  Once such permutation is something that I have suffered from (apparently), as has everyone in the first 2 years of their life.  This is a virus called Respiratory syncytial virus (RSV).  The description of this (according to http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov) is, "... a very common virus that leads to mild, cold-like symptoms in adults and older healthy children. It can be more serious in young babies,   especially to those in certain high-risk groups."  In my initial searches for information on the seriousness of a cold for Milly, I came across RSV time and time again, with each one explaining ever more concerning problems that it can cause.  The worst stuff came from parents forums (I know, I shouldn't have looked!!), from people getting really scared for their children, and amateur medics providing half-truths and worst-case scenarios.  It was enough to make you never want to leave the house and install a sterile sheep dip for anyone with the audacity to want to visit!!!  It did however lead me to an important realisation, I don't want to live like that.  Milly will get ill.  This cannot be avoided.  We will continue to use good basic hygiene to prevent unnecessary infections, but we will take her out and let people hold her.  Life is for living, they say.  Who are we to stop Milly experiencing hers now?

...until she gets that first cold, then everyone will be blamed, and no one will touch her again!!! 

A week of firsts

Last week I talked of the enjoyment that I’ve had spending the first weeks of Milly’s life together as a family.  About the excitement of watching Milly develop, and learning how to look after her.  This last week, I was asked if I was looking forward to going back to work, and that has made me think about the other side of parenting...being the provider.  Make no mistake, if we had the means, I would have absolutely no qualms about staying home and taking care of Milly.  But alas, we have no such fortune, and last Monday I returned to work, and we began the process of finding a new routine that fits in going to work, and taking care of Milly.

 

And so to the question of ‘Am I looking forward to it?’ (or was I looking forward to it)  Well, I was.  I do admit that last Sunday felt somewhat like the last day of the summer holidays (I had been off work for 5 weeks!!), although I did much more than I ever did during a 6 week holiday!  As enjoyable as the paternity leave had been, it was time to get back to normality.  Staying home with Milly has never been an option, so it is not an idea that I will miss.  I now have to focus on turning my part-time position into a full-time one, and start the process of building our lives together.  This is something that Elaine and I have been doing for a while in preparation for Milly’s arrival, and now we move onto the next stage.  This is a long-term project, as it is for anyone, but it is an exciting one, and one that requires me to return to work, to open a few doors, and pounce on any opportunities.*

On to a week of firsts, some enforced, and some based on finally daring to take the plunge.  Last Monday, Elaine had a routine doctor’s appointment.  The easy option would have been to let Elaine walk to the bus stop and make her own way into town to make her appointment.  But we decided that the time had come to put Milly in her car seat, and all go down together.  I admit that technically, this is the second time that Milly has had a car journey, the first being the ride home from the hospital, but I’m not counting that one as we had no choice in that instance.  I guess that what I’m really telling you about is our first conscious decision to take Milly out in the car.  A task that used to be as simple as getting in the car, driving to the location, and getting out, has suddenly become much more complicated with the amount of things to consider (hopefully these will become simpler over the next few weeks!!).  We had to think of what she could wear, should we cover her with a blanket, how long will she stay comfortable in the car seat???  Thinking back on that morning now, I know that I thought about it way too deeply, and as it turned out Milly was fine, sleeping throughout the whole experience.  I think one of the reasons for our concern was that initial ride home from the hospital, one in which she rattled around in her car seat, making it a most unpleasant journey.  However, 4 more weeks of growth had sorted this, and she settled into her seat very cosily indeed, even if we did toast her slightly with the amount of layers we put on her!!!


Following the success of the trip out in the car (and with the blessing of our Health Visitor) we decided that we would take Milly out for her first proper experience of outdoors.  We again braved the dilemma of correct layers of clothing (this time having to take into consideration the fleece-lined carry cot!!) and took Milly out for her first walk in the cold autumn air...only it wasn't cold.  It wasn't even cool!!  So, on our walk on a MILD autumn afternoon, the concern over Milly getting too cold was replaced with a concern over me getting too hot.  Apparently it is not quite time for winter coats!!  Once again, Milly was fine, making us seem foolish to have any concerns whatsoever, she even coped with the ordeal of popping into ASDA to pick up a few bits and pieces.  A real trooper!

And to the final 'first' experienced over the last week, my first week back at work.  It has been a little strange leaving home in the morning and then not seeing Elaine or Milly for a good chunk of the day.  Everyday Milly seems to come on more and more.  She is becoming more active in the day, and is starting to have a preference for certain toys.  She also seems to be getting a lot more control over her eyes, focusing on specific things, and is definitely sharing a few more smiles.  Maybe these things would have started to happen this week, or maybe I'm noticing more because I don't see her all day now, but it is nice to see her growing and learning.  One thing I did expect this week was the tiredness to catch up with me.  However, I have only felt tired as a result of not being at work for 5 weeks, not because I'm losing sleep through the night.  Mind you, this might be because we are both asleep before 9pm and catching up on sleep before the late night feeds start!!  What returning to work has done though, is make the weekends even sweeter, because I get to spend a lot of time with my ladies!


*This weeks blog is actually 2 weeks worth of information (that might be obvious).  The first half was written last weekend, but I struggled to find the time to finish it.  I decided that I would leave it as it was, only changing the necessary tenses to ensure that it made sense, and add a few things from this week.  I tell you this because there has been a notable change in our circumstances since starting this edition of my blog, something so important, I feel it was necessary to leave the second paragraph as it was because it showed how I was feeling at this time last week.  The change of which I speak is that I have a new job!! A full-time one, which pays me more money and has given Elaine and I such a huge sense of relief as we will be able to provide properly for our little girl!!  Today, all is right in the world!!   

4 Weeks Gone

Today is Milly’s 4 week birthday.  It is also the start of my final week of paternity leave.  By the time I go back to work next Monday, I will have actually had 5 weeks off, 3-and-a-half of which have been at home with our family unit complete.  At this point, I should comment on how well I have been supported by my manager, who made it clear that I could take all the time I needed and ensured that I, in no way, felt under any pressure to return to work sooner.  This allowed me to take 2 extra weeks while Elaine and Milly were in the hospital.  It was always my intention to take 3 weeks when Milly was born, I looked forward to being able to spend the time getting to know our daughter, and learn about how to take care of her.  However, this changed with Milly’s early arrival and her subsequent stay in the NICU.

When any close family member is in hospital, there is a natural stress that is born out of worry.  This was certainly the case when Elaine was admitted, and the feeling intensified when Milly arrived.  There is also a stress that comes from the practicalities of supporting someone during their stay in hospital.  Being torn between wanting to spend every available moment with them at the hospital, offering comfort and just generally trying to ease the mundanity of the situation, and taking care of the everyday things.  These include some of more selfish considerations (at least what I felt were selfish) like making sure I found time to eat and get plenty of sleep, not to mention the washing and ironing!!!  For Elaine and I, this stress lasted for 3 weeks, from Elaine going into hospital, to Milly coming home.  It is important to make clear that I’m not talking about this to tell everyone how hard it has been, on the contrary, I think that this experience made it easier for Elaine and I to cope when Milly eventually came home.  In comparison to the constant worry while Milly was in the NICU, the last 3 weeks at home have felt like a holiday.  We have still had to get used to everything that new parents contend with, feeding patterns, disrupted sleep, the variety of grunts and whimpers that are produced, maintaining a constant room temperature, but we have been able to take it all in our stride, because it genuinely feels easier.

Which brings me to my paternity leave.  Since bringing Milly home, we have been in complete control of Milly’s care, sounds like an obvious statement but it is something that we don’t take for granted.  Our days are filled with feeding Milly, changing her, washing her, and making sure she gets enough rest.  For the first few days, it was hard to see how we could get anything else done in the day, but it slowly started to fall into place and, not only did we begin to get to grips with our own chores, but we have been able to find time to relax and top up our own energy reserves.  This is why I am glad that I have been able to take such a big chunk of time off.  It has meant that Elaine and I have been able to figure out this stuff together, allowing Elaine the time to properly recover from the Cesarean, and us both to start to understand Milly’s needs, and how to meet them.  From this, we have both began to gain the confidence to look after Milly on our own, and be able to organise ourselves to ensure that doing so is as straight forward as possible.  I am in no doubt that had I taken paternity leave from the day Milly was born, we would not have this confidence, and I would have missed out on so much!

In these 3 weeks, I have been able to watch Milly develop and grow.  She has gone from a baby who would need some encouragement to wake for a feed, to one who now wakes us up to tell us to get her bottle ready.  She has also to began to have longer ‘awake’ periods where she is no longer satisfied with being put straight back down after a feed, especially when there are lights to be stared at or TV to be watched!!  We have also been able to discern a definite difference between the ‘feed me’ cry, and the ‘I want attention now’ grunt.  Though it is pretty great when this becomes more persistent when she sees us.  It has become pretty clear that Milly now recognises us, and feels safe with us.  I know that there is a natural bond between babies and their parents (recognising Mummy’s smell and Daddy’s voice from birth) but this has become intensified in the last week, and the way she looks at us suggests that there is a clear sense that she knows who we are.  To think that I might have missed all of this is a thought that saddens me, but one that tells me to make the most of my last week at home with my girls!!

The Difference Between Mummy and Daddy

I mentioned in my first blog that Milly spent time in the NICU, partly to spend time in an incubator to regulate her temperature, but critically to give her support while her body learned to tolerate food.  It is this that I want to elaborate on at the start of this weeks blog.  When she was born, Milly did a good job of fooling the doctors and nurses.  It is apparently common for premature babies to have a 'honeymoon' couple of hours, in which they appear to be coping well in their new surroundings, until the the shock of being evicted from the Mother's womb kicks in.  Milly was no exception to this.  I said that she did a good job of fooling the doctors and nurses, a big part of this was that she immediately urged to suck.  This reflex is something that many babies don't learn until a week later in gestation, but Milly had it cracked, and when we went to the NICU to get her checked, I was allowed to give her the first bottle of her life.  Now the problem with young Milly was that her eyes were bigger than her belly, and everything that she took was soon sicked up.  This happened again and again through the evening, and the doctors decided that her gut just wasn't ready to cope with feeding in this way, hence she was put on a drip and had the NG tube inserted.


The reason I have gone back to our time in the NICU so soon is so I can talk about the role that Elaine played in getting Milly fit and strong.  As long as I have known Elaine, she has been firm in her belief that breast feeding was not for her, as it is not for many women.  For Elaine, the thought of it was a most unappealing one.  I have always believed that it is a very personal decision, and since neither me nor my brother were breast fed, I had no strong feelings on the matter and was happy for Milly to be bottle fed, and support Elaine in whatever she decided to do.  We did both agree, however, that it would be unwise to rule it out completely as views change after birth.  As it turned out, this was not the case.  


Now the official line, when it comes to breast feeding, is that 'Breast is Best', this is certainly the message communicated by the World Health Organization and the Health Department.  The message is so strong, in fact, that the topic is not allowed to be debated in public, everyone has to toe-the-line.  With this in mind, I was not surprised when we were asked at the hospital if we had considered breast feeding, as breast milk contains everything that Milly's body was crying out for, would line her stomach, and give her immune system a boost that would last her for life.  The bottom line was that breast milk would help Milly to tolerate bottle feeding, and give her a kick start.  Elaine didn't need to hear anymore, she decided that she would start expressing milk and, with the support of the NICU nurses, began producing the milk that would get Milly's digestive system going.  It is important to stress that this decision was not a change of heart (Elaine would often refer to the process as 'cowing', and never felt comfortable doing it), but it was one that Elaine felt was necessary to give our little girl every chance that she could.  For me, taking action that you don't want to, and that makes you feel uncomfortable, to help another, could be considered heroic.  It is definitely what everyone would consider being a great Mummy!!!  I'm sure Milly will!


Up to yet, this seems an obvious difference between Mums and Dads (as pert as my man boobs are, I don't think I'll be producing any milk any time soon!!), but something else has occurred to me this week.  The relationship that Elaine and I have, meant that I never felt like I wasn't a part of the pregnancy, getting plenty of kicks in the evenings, and Elaine constantly telling me where Milly had moved to in her womb.  Milly even began to recognise my voice, moving to whichever side of Elaine I was.  Despite this, there was/is a level of connection that I cannot understand, it can make sense to me on an intellectual level, but emotionally I struggle to come to terms with it.  Since Milly has come home, I have loved the chance to interact with her, being around for all her feeds, changing her, giving her a bath, settling her down to sleep, and just being able to look upon her whenever I want.  This is infinitely better for me, her life has started and I can play a full part.  For Elaine, however, there are times when she misses Milly being securely tucked away inside her.  Part of this comes from delivering 6 weeks early, Elaine's body didn't prepare itself for delivery, and so she has described the experience as having Milly taken from her.  As such, there have been periods where Elaine has been upset at not being able to feel Milly moving, and knowing exactly what she is up to.  I am afraid that I have failed to deal with these situations very well, suggesting that Elaine can just go and pick up Milly and have a cuddle, without fully understanding what it is that Elaine is missing.  I do think that I am starting to get there though!!


Maybe that is one of the differences between Mums and Dads.  For a Mum, the birth of a child, especially in the circumstances of Milly's arrival, feels like losing a special connection that is built up over the period of the pregnancy, and that has to be regained with the baby in person.  For a Dad, the day of the birth is the point where the conceptual becomes real, you can put a face to the name, and touch them for the first time.  I might be completely wrong, but thinking about it this way is helping me support Elaine better...well try to!!!


As for Milly.  She is going from strength to strength.  She was weighed on Friday and has reached 4lb 12oz. That is 8oz in 4 days.  She has started to grow out of some of her clothes, and is now wearing proper newborn size nappies.  Good Girl!!!

Earlier than expected!!!

Well, I guess I'd better start at the beginning.  The thought of creating a blog about my experiences as a first-time  dad, through the first year of my daughters life, is something that occurred to me as a way of creating a diary that maybe Milly could one-day read.  It also occurred to me that this is not in the least bit original, or is it ever likely to be read by anyone really!!!  But yet here I am, 17 day-old baby asleep in her Moses basket, and me tip-tapping away about what has happened over that last few weeks.


In truth, I need to go back a little further than that.  On a routine 25 week Midwife appointment my Wife, Elaine, had elevated blood pressure.  After a few unplanned hospital appointments, and with a head full of information on the dangers of pre-eclampsia (http://www.patient.co.uk/health/Pregnancy-Pre-Eclampsia.htm), things stabilised, and the pregnancy continued without complications until we reached week 33.  After exactly one-day of maternity leave, Elaine's blood pressure went up, and was subsequently admitted to hospital to be constantly monitored.  Doctors explained that their aim was to strike a balance between keeping Elaine safe and allowing Milly the longest possible gestation.  For me, I always felt that everything would turn out OK, but I realise now that that was based on a blend of 2-parts ignorance, and 1-part denial.  We eventually reached 33 weeks + 6 days (hospital speak for Milly's pre-birth age), and Milly was born at 14.52, weighing 4lb 3oz.


As Milly was placed in my arms in the operating theater, I remember feeling relieved.  Milly had been born safely (the Doctors all filled us with confidence about how well she looked), and Elaine had been treated for her condition (the cure for pre-eclampsia is delivery) and could begin her recovery.  As I held her, I was amazed by how long she was.  Not at all what I was imagining a premature baby would look like.  I accompanied Milly to the NICU (Neo Natal Intensive-Care Unit), where she would spend the next 10 days, as her body learned to tolerate feeding (with the aid of a tube up her nose) and her own body temperature (with the aid of an incubator).  It becomes hard to hear that your daughter is doing well in these circumstances, surrounded by monitors that constantly beep, and seeing tubes going places that look uncomfortable.  It took us a couple of days to accept that Milly was there to grow, and not because she was sick, but we eventually took a guilty solace in the fact that there were babies in far worse condition than Milly.  A truly heartbreaking fact in all honesty!!  But Milly was a trooper, not one to be missing out on the world she had entered, she quickly turned a corner, progressing faster than her Doctors anticipated (pulling out both her cannula and nasal tube on her own).  After spending a couple of nights on the ward with Milly, we were allowed to bring her home.  For the first time, we had our family together, on our terms, and without the safety-net of a team of nurses and doctors to help us out!!!


The experience of the NICU has had a number of pros and cons:

• PROS: we were able to get used to a feeding and changing routine; we received "parent crafting" (training on bathing, feeding, resuscitation, sterilizing, calculating feed amounts etc,); all things that we wouldn't have if Milly had gone straight to the maternity ward.  Each experience we had prepared us for looking after Milly on our own, and I certainly feel I have coped better at home because of them.  
• CONS: While in the NICU, Milly's development had to monitored.  This meant that we became very aware of the amounts of milk that Milly was taking.  The danger for a premature baby is that they get tired while feeding.  If they get tired, they don't feed.  If they don't feed, they burn their fat stores to heat themselves.  If this happens, they get tired.  The most vicious of circles!!  Not only did we become  aware of how much Milly had to have at each feed, we were conscious not to take too long, as she needed to rest before the next feed.  The nights we stayed with Milly in the NICU, we had sole responsibility for looking after her.  Suddenly, Milly's feeding chart became a score board that was adding pressure on us, each blip upon which felt like a failure on our part.  Despite the reassurances of the staff, this was a feeling that has been hard to shake, and we still keep a record of each feed!!!

We have been home for a week now, I will not complain about sleepless nights (I get plenty in between feeds at the moment) as I consider myself a realist, and Milly has been very good so far.  We have had plenty of visitors of a professional capacity, Midwives, Health Visitors, NICU home visit.  Each visit has reassured us that we are doing a good job, and Milly reached the landmark of passing her birth-weight on Monday, which took away some of the pressure of feeding amounts (not that it has ever really been a problem - like I said PARANOIA!!).  Each day, Milly becomes more alert, making us laugh with the variety of noises emanating from her Moses basket, and the faces she pulls.  I finally feel like I am getting to know our little girl, and even better, she is getting to know us.  The one thing that I wasn't prepared for was the pure joy of being able to rock her to sleep in my arms.  I would happily spend hours doing that!!

Well, I think that has got us up-to-date.  If anyone has read this far, I apologize for boring you.  My aim with this blog is to simply chart my feelings and experiences over this first year.  I plan to do this once a week, but we'll see how it goes!!  So for now, that's all folks!!!