Well, I guess I'd better start at the beginning. The thought of creating a blog about my experiences as a first-time dad, through the first year of my daughters life, is something that occurred to me as a way of creating a diary that maybe Milly could one-day read. It also occurred to me that this is not in the least bit original, or is it ever likely to be read by anyone really!!! But yet here I am, 17 day-old baby asleep in her Moses basket, and me tip-tapping away about what has happened over that last few weeks.
In truth, I need to go back a little further than that. On a routine 25 week Midwife appointment my Wife, Elaine, had elevated blood pressure. After a few unplanned hospital appointments, and with a head full of information on the dangers of pre-eclampsia (http://www.patient.co.uk/health/Pregnancy-Pre-Eclampsia.htm), things stabilised, and the pregnancy continued without complications until we reached week 33. After exactly one-day of maternity leave, Elaine's blood pressure went up, and was subsequently admitted to hospital to be constantly monitored. Doctors explained that their aim was to strike a balance between keeping Elaine safe and allowing Milly the longest possible gestation. For me, I always felt that everything would turn out OK, but I realise now that that was based on a blend of 2-parts ignorance, and 1-part denial. We eventually reached 33 weeks + 6 days (hospital speak for Milly's pre-birth age), and Milly was born at 14.52, weighing 4lb 3oz.
As Milly was placed in my arms in the operating theater, I remember feeling relieved. Milly had been born safely (the Doctors all filled us with confidence about how well she looked), and Elaine had been treated for her condition (the cure for pre-eclampsia is delivery) and could begin her recovery. As I held her, I was amazed by how long she was. Not at all what I was imagining a premature baby would look like. I accompanied Milly to the NICU (Neo Natal Intensive-Care Unit), where she would spend the next 10 days, as her body learned to tolerate feeding (with the aid of a tube up her nose) and her own body temperature (with the aid of an incubator). It becomes hard to hear that your daughter is doing well in these circumstances, surrounded by monitors that constantly beep, and seeing tubes going places that look uncomfortable. It took us a couple of days to accept that Milly was there to grow, and not because she was sick, but we eventually took a guilty solace in the fact that there were babies in far worse condition than Milly. A truly heartbreaking fact in all honesty!! But Milly was a trooper, not one to be missing out on the world she had entered, she quickly turned a corner, progressing faster than her Doctors anticipated (pulling out both her cannula and nasal tube on her own). After spending a couple of nights on the ward with Milly, we were allowed to bring her home. For the first time, we had our family together, on our terms, and without the safety-net of a team of nurses and doctors to help us out!!!
The experience of the NICU has had a number of pros and cons:
- PROS: we were able to get used to a feeding and changing routine; we received "parent crafting" (training on bathing, feeding, resuscitation, sterilizing, calculating feed amounts etc,); all things that we wouldn't have if Milly had gone straight to the maternity ward. Each experience we had prepared us for looking after Milly on our own, and I certainly feel I have coped better at home because of them.
- CONS: While in the NICU, Milly's development had to monitored. This meant that we became very aware of the amounts of milk that Milly was taking. The danger for a premature baby is that they get tired while feeding. If they get tired, they don't feed. If they don't feed, they burn their fat stores to heat themselves. If this happens, they get tired. The most vicious of circles!! Not only did we become aware of how much Milly had to have at each feed, we were conscious not to take too long, as she needed to rest before the next feed. The nights we stayed with Milly in the NICU, we had sole responsibility for looking after her. Suddenly, Milly's feeding chart became a score board that was adding pressure on us, each blip upon which felt like a failure on our part. Despite the reassurances of the staff, this was a feeling that has been hard to shake, and we still keep a record of each feed!!!
We have been home for a week now, I will not complain about sleepless nights (I get plenty in between feeds at the moment) as I consider myself a realist, and Milly has been very good so far. We have had plenty of visitors of a professional capacity, Midwives, Health Visitors, NICU home visit. Each visit has reassured us that we are doing a good job, and Milly reached the landmark of passing her birth-weight on Monday, which took away some of the pressure of feeding amounts (not that it has ever really been a problem - like I said PARANOIA!!). Each day, Milly becomes more alert, making us laugh with the variety of noises emanating from her Moses basket, and the faces she pulls. I finally feel like I am getting to know our little girl, and even better, she is getting to know us. The one thing that I wasn't prepared for was the pure joy of being able to rock her to sleep in my arms. I would happily spend hours doing that!!
Well, I think that has got us up-to-date. If anyone has read this far, I apologize for boring you. My aim with this blog is to simply chart my feelings and experiences over this first year. I plan to do this once a week, but we'll see how it goes!! So for now, that's all folks!!!
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