Parenting by Google

The other week was a big week for Milly.  Monday November 7^th was her due date, meaning that, if she had gone full-term, she would be just over a week old.  I may have already mentioned that the last time that she was weighed, she had reached the dizzying weight of 5lbs 11oz.  This was a couple of weeks ago now, and at the rate that she was putting weight on, there is a good chance that she could be pushing 7lbs by now, which sounds like a healthy weight for a newborn baby.  We will find out this week if our guessing is accurate or not, when the health visitor comes to check her.  (Actually we were wrong.  She passed 7lbs, weighing in at 7lbs 4oz!!!)

Since Milly’s arrival was a little earlier than expected, there were some things that I didn’t get to do before her birth.  Little things, like reading through various books to get an idea of the requirements of caring for a new baby.  What are the sleeping patterns?  How often do they feed?  How much should they be fed?  How often should you change nappies?  A lot of these things were common sense (I know now!!), but none-the-less, they were things that I wanted to know before she arrived so I was, at least a little bit, prepared.  Now I know what I’m like, there is every chance that as Milly’s due date approached, my good intentions would have been pushed aside in favour of watching football, playing PlayStation, or just sleeping.  But we will never know as fate had other intentions, allowing me to claim the high ground and say that I would have been fully informed, and as prepared as possible.

Some of the gaps (gaping gaps!!) in my child care knowledge were filled in by the intensive “parent crafting” that we had to complete while Milly was in the NICU. A lot of it, however, just came from the experience of looking after her and learning her routines.  There were some other things that hadn’t occurred to me that I might need to know.  For example: new babies breathe predominantly through their noses and have to learn to breathe through their mouths.  As such, they get quite snuffly in the nasal region, and can require a little assistance to clear the airways.  This, again, is one of those things that has a very simple solution, but hearing your baby having discomfort while breathing is not a pleasant experience for the first few days!!!


This is where I have found comfort in the endless answers that can be provided by Google.  The concern over Milly's immune system added to the desire to find out if it was normal for babies to sneeze often (this seemed to significantly increase once we'd got her home!!), as it has many things.  Google was able to ease these concerns by directing us to web pages telling  us that it was normal.  Other guidance provided by Google was the regularity of a baby's bowels!!  It is surprising just how interested you become in the contents of a baby's nappy, particularly when there seems to have been a glaring omission for a couple of days, poo!!  Once again, Google was able to give us the information that allowed us to sleep peacefully, safe in the knowledge that the regularity of a baby pooing can be somewhat irregular!!  You will be pleased to know, however, that this issue has sorted itself, even if Milly does prefer to have an audience!!! (That's a story for another day).  Some of the questions we have asked Google (most of which seem like silly questions as I read the history know!!!) include:

• What foods should be avoided when breast feeding?
• Are babies noisy when sleeping?
• Can you warm breast milk straight from the fridge?
• How do I know if my baby needs winding?
• How serious is a cold for a premature baby?

As great as it has been to have an electronic baby manual at our disposal, this final question introduced me to the perils of using Google in this way, as it introduces you to every permutation of an infection known to man.  It also introduces you to a host of concerned parents worried that their children are suffering from every permutation of an infection known to man.  Once such permutation is something that I have suffered from (apparently), as has everyone in the first 2 years of their life.  This is a virus called Respiratory syncytial virus (RSV).  The description of this (according to http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov) is, "... a very common virus that leads to mild, cold-like symptoms in adults and older healthy children. It can be more serious in young babies,   especially to those in certain high-risk groups."  In my initial searches for information on the seriousness of a cold for Milly, I came across RSV time and time again, with each one explaining ever more concerning problems that it can cause.  The worst stuff came from parents forums (I know, I shouldn't have looked!!), from people getting really scared for their children, and amateur medics providing half-truths and worst-case scenarios.  It was enough to make you never want to leave the house and install a sterile sheep dip for anyone with the audacity to want to visit!!!  It did however lead me to an important realisation, I don't want to live like that.  Milly will get ill.  This cannot be avoided.  We will continue to use good basic hygiene to prevent unnecessary infections, but we will take her out and let people hold her.  Life is for living, they say.  Who are we to stop Milly experiencing hers now?

...until she gets that first cold, then everyone will be blamed, and no one will touch her again!!! 

A week of firsts

Last week I talked of the enjoyment that I’ve had spending the first weeks of Milly’s life together as a family.  About the excitement of watching Milly develop, and learning how to look after her.  This last week, I was asked if I was looking forward to going back to work, and that has made me think about the other side of parenting...being the provider.  Make no mistake, if we had the means, I would have absolutely no qualms about staying home and taking care of Milly.  But alas, we have no such fortune, and last Monday I returned to work, and we began the process of finding a new routine that fits in going to work, and taking care of Milly.

 

And so to the question of ‘Am I looking forward to it?’ (or was I looking forward to it)  Well, I was.  I do admit that last Sunday felt somewhat like the last day of the summer holidays (I had been off work for 5 weeks!!), although I did much more than I ever did during a 6 week holiday!  As enjoyable as the paternity leave had been, it was time to get back to normality.  Staying home with Milly has never been an option, so it is not an idea that I will miss.  I now have to focus on turning my part-time position into a full-time one, and start the process of building our lives together.  This is something that Elaine and I have been doing for a while in preparation for Milly’s arrival, and now we move onto the next stage.  This is a long-term project, as it is for anyone, but it is an exciting one, and one that requires me to return to work, to open a few doors, and pounce on any opportunities.*

On to a week of firsts, some enforced, and some based on finally daring to take the plunge.  Last Monday, Elaine had a routine doctor’s appointment.  The easy option would have been to let Elaine walk to the bus stop and make her own way into town to make her appointment.  But we decided that the time had come to put Milly in her car seat, and all go down together.  I admit that technically, this is the second time that Milly has had a car journey, the first being the ride home from the hospital, but I’m not counting that one as we had no choice in that instance.  I guess that what I’m really telling you about is our first conscious decision to take Milly out in the car.  A task that used to be as simple as getting in the car, driving to the location, and getting out, has suddenly become much more complicated with the amount of things to consider (hopefully these will become simpler over the next few weeks!!).  We had to think of what she could wear, should we cover her with a blanket, how long will she stay comfortable in the car seat???  Thinking back on that morning now, I know that I thought about it way too deeply, and as it turned out Milly was fine, sleeping throughout the whole experience.  I think one of the reasons for our concern was that initial ride home from the hospital, one in which she rattled around in her car seat, making it a most unpleasant journey.  However, 4 more weeks of growth had sorted this, and she settled into her seat very cosily indeed, even if we did toast her slightly with the amount of layers we put on her!!!


Following the success of the trip out in the car (and with the blessing of our Health Visitor) we decided that we would take Milly out for her first proper experience of outdoors.  We again braved the dilemma of correct layers of clothing (this time having to take into consideration the fleece-lined carry cot!!) and took Milly out for her first walk in the cold autumn air...only it wasn't cold.  It wasn't even cool!!  So, on our walk on a MILD autumn afternoon, the concern over Milly getting too cold was replaced with a concern over me getting too hot.  Apparently it is not quite time for winter coats!!  Once again, Milly was fine, making us seem foolish to have any concerns whatsoever, she even coped with the ordeal of popping into ASDA to pick up a few bits and pieces.  A real trooper!

And to the final 'first' experienced over the last week, my first week back at work.  It has been a little strange leaving home in the morning and then not seeing Elaine or Milly for a good chunk of the day.  Everyday Milly seems to come on more and more.  She is becoming more active in the day, and is starting to have a preference for certain toys.  She also seems to be getting a lot more control over her eyes, focusing on specific things, and is definitely sharing a few more smiles.  Maybe these things would have started to happen this week, or maybe I'm noticing more because I don't see her all day now, but it is nice to see her growing and learning.  One thing I did expect this week was the tiredness to catch up with me.  However, I have only felt tired as a result of not being at work for 5 weeks, not because I'm losing sleep through the night.  Mind you, this might be because we are both asleep before 9pm and catching up on sleep before the late night feeds start!!  What returning to work has done though, is make the weekends even sweeter, because I get to spend a lot of time with my ladies!


*This weeks blog is actually 2 weeks worth of information (that might be obvious).  The first half was written last weekend, but I struggled to find the time to finish it.  I decided that I would leave it as it was, only changing the necessary tenses to ensure that it made sense, and add a few things from this week.  I tell you this because there has been a notable change in our circumstances since starting this edition of my blog, something so important, I feel it was necessary to leave the second paragraph as it was because it showed how I was feeling at this time last week.  The change of which I speak is that I have a new job!! A full-time one, which pays me more money and has given Elaine and I such a huge sense of relief as we will be able to provide properly for our little girl!!  Today, all is right in the world!!