Over the last few weeks I have been thinking about the
way that we have been bringing up Milly.
This started because of a pair of Peregrine Falcons that have chosen the
Newton Building of Nottingham Trent University to nest atop of, and rear their
chicks. They have doing this
successfully for the last 10 years, but this being my first year working at
Trent, this is the first time that it has really come to my attention. As some of you may know, the University has
installed a webcam near the nest so anyone can see the coming and goings of the
falcons, and the development of the chicks, it really does make for compelling
viewing, but I should warn that if you watch long enough, you are likely to see
plenty of dead pigeons being ripped apart!!!
If anyone is interested, http://www.ntu.ac.uk/ecoweb/biodiversity/falcons/index.html.
As I say, working here has allowed me to see quite a bit
of the footage (there is always somebody with it on, and as it’s a University
website, we are allowed to watch it, or they can’t tell us not to!!). It has been interesting watching the falcons work together to prepare the nest, protect the eggs that
were laid, and take care of the chicks as they hatched. What I found most fascinating was the selflessness of the birds, as they would go off to hunt, and return with their
bounty to feed the chicks, taking care to serve each hungry mouth (there were 4
chicks). Just when you thought that one
might be being missed, it would suddenly find its way to the front and make
sure it didn’t miss out. Watching all
this unfold made me think of how easy it is to lose touch with our instincts as
parents. When Milly was born, we were
given plenty of advice, as I have discussed previously. We were provided with a book that gave us
guidance on what to expect as first time parents, which covers up to the age of
5, and we were assigned a health visitor who told us that we could contact her
at pretty much anytime if we needed to ask her anything. What was clear, is that we had a safety net
of information that we could refer to when we were unsure of anything and, as
I’m sure every parent does, we used this when necessary. I would say that 9 times out of 10 what we
were told, or what we read, backed up what
we had wanted to do, showing that our instincts were leading us towards the
right path. But there were occasions
when we felt completely lost and needed that extra guidance. What I can’t say at this point is whether
this was a result of information overload subduing a gut feeling, or whether
those particular situations went beyond what our instincts could tell us. I guess that is something that we’ll never be
able to answer. What I can say is,
however, that it is entirely possible to raise a child purely on the advice of
professionals, and the plethora of paraphernalia that is available to
anyone. In my opinion, this would not be a
good way to go about it, but it could be done.
Being in the midst of the weaning process, it was
watching the falcons feed their chicks that I related to the most. It made me think how we had known that Milly
was ready to move onto more solid food, but delayed because everything told us
that you had to wait until 6 months, and that we had to bear in mind Milly’s 'adjusted' age. Yet the falcons just got
on with it. They didn’t care that one of
their chicks was smaller than the others, it got fed the same way, and the
parents let them all dictate how much they ate.
At no stage, did I see them charting how much each chick had eaten that
day, and calculating whether that was enough based upon their weight. It just made me think that we should relax a
little bit, take comfort from the fact that we knew Milly, could see how she
was developing, and were getting good at giving her what she needed. Trust in our instincts. Elaine and I actually had a discussion about
the virtues of relying on instincts, in which I said that humans had raised
children in caves for thousands of years, so there must be something inherent
within us that makes sure that we provide whatever is necessary. Don’t get me wrong, we were not discussing a
radical overhaul of what we were doing, we just found it interesting thinking
about how approaches had changed.
The very same weekend that we were talking about this,
was the same one when it rained pretty much constantly. I remember looking at the falcons on the
webcam and seeing the mother sat on the nest looking wetter than I have ever seen
a bird (there is a picture on the falcon blog if you select it from the above
link). The next day we found out that 2
of the baby falcons had died due to the extreme weather. A couple of days later, a third one
died. It was pretty sad viewing over that
week, the parents seemed to pick the strongest chick and focused their
attention on it, giving it extra food while the other survivor slowly faded
away. All because their instincts told
them to do this. As you can imagine,
this gave me a renewed appreciation for raising a baby with the learned
experiences of medical professionals, and generations that have gone before. The advice is there for a reason,
there are some scenarios that you can’t be prepared for, and a little extra
guidance is needed, like what to do when a six-week premature baby can’t cope with food. In a world where all we have are instincts,
we wouldn’t have a baby and I wouldn’t writing this blog, chances are I wouldn’t
have a wife now either!! I take comfort
in knowing that our instincts as parents have often been right, we have been
able to give what Milly needed when she wanted it. But it is also nice to know that we have that
safety net behind us, just in case.
