Daddy is Still Learning

It is a while since my last blog.  One of reasons for this – aside from watching too much sport on my days off – is that I wasn’t sure what I wanted to write about.  My initial intention in writing this blog, was to describe the experiences of being a first-time Dad, and relate the things that I have learned along the way.  I haven’t quite lived up to that brief at the moment, partly because I have been keen to avoid clichéd anecdotes, but also because Milly has provided me with plenty of other things to discuss so that I haven’t really had to discuss how I’m finding the transition to fatherhood.  So, as Milly approaches the 6 month mark, I figure that it is time for an assessment of Daddy – I’m not sure that I’m going to come off very well at the end of this!!!

Since returning to work at the end of my paternity leave, the one thing that I looked forward to every night was coming home and having a cuddle with Milly.  Every night, after her last feed, she would lie on my chest, wriggle until she had got herself comfy, and fall asleep.  Needless to say, this was my favourite part of parenthood.  The fact that my little girl felt safe and secure with me felt great, and I used to love just letting her lie on me.  This was our special little routine that we each shared with each other at the end of every day. 

One thing about Milly is that she hates to be confined.  If she feels that she is in anyway constricted, then she lets us know about it.  This was noted when Elaine took her out in the carry cot.  She HATED it!  She screamed, and shook herself!  It was not good.  This meant that as soon as she started to fill her Moses basket, she became less comfortable in there.  So we took the decision to move her into her own room and let her sleep in her cot.  The ease in which she falls to sleep in her cot made us realise that she had been frustrated in her Moses basket for a while.  Despite the move, Milly and I continued our bedtime routine, and when she fell asleep, I would move her to her cot.  This continued until a couple of weeks ago.  The more alert that Milly has become, the more she seems to enjoy our company.  When I arrive home from work, she is always excited to see me and eager for a cuddle.  However, her eagerness to see me is coupled with a desire to play just when she should be getting ready for bed.  The result of this is that she no longer wants to cuddle up and go to sleep, but wants to play.  This makes me the bad guy for not letting her play, and makes Milly cry at the merest suggestion that it is time to settle down.  Her bedtime routine now consists of putting her in her cot under her mobile and letting her fall asleep of her own accord, which usually happens after 10 minutes.  This is good.  We have not made her dependent upon us to cuddle her to sleep.  But I miss our cuddles.  It actually made me quite sad that Milly no longer wanted to end the day this way, but also proud that already she is an independent little girl, that will settle down in her cot on her own, and who just wants to play with Daddy when he gets in from work.

As with all babies, Milly is prone to the odd ‘grisly’ day.  These have become more frequent since she has begun teething.  When these days fell on the weekend, I found myself getting frustrated at not being able to comfort her.  I am not proud of my reaction.  I found myself wanting to hand Milly over to Elaine and feeling sorry for myself because Milly didn’t seem happy in my company.  I know that this is not the case at all, but it is honestly how I felt.  I had been to work all week, looking forward to the weekend and playing with Milly, and it felt bad to be confronted with a baby who could only be calmed by her Mum.  While I knew that Milly was teething, it didn’t occur to me that this was the problem, choosing instead to blame myself for not knowing what she liked to do.  I am happy to say that I did come to my senses eventually, and realised that I just needed to be more patient and learn to listen to what Milly was trying to tell me in her own way.  Admittedly this was helped by a week off work, in which I was able to spend plenty of time with Milly, and figure out how to sooth her when she was unhappy, how she liked to play, when she needed to have a nap, and the difference between her being full and just messing with her bottle.  What I found strange was, that, until my week off, I hadn’t felt like I had lost touch with Milly.  I had seen her in the mornings and the evenings, and we seemed to get on well, but I guess that I had started to miss a few little things by not being around during the day, and these gradually built up until I felt like I didn’t know what to do again.  This is something that I wasn’t expecting, but it is something that I will be prepared for in the future.

Asides from my parental failings, Milly has had an exciting couple of weeks.  She has started to have baby rice in the mornings, which she seems to enjoy, and we have just started to give her some vegetable mush in the evenings.  The vegetable mush has had varying results – the sweet potato went down a treat…the broccoli didn’t!! – but Milly is getting used to taking food from a spoon, and seems to have fun in the process.  We also bought her a high chair, which has gone down well.  She likes being able to sit up and have look around, she likes to know what’s going on and that she is not missing out on anything!!!